10/18/07

I was once again standing on my familiar path that leads to my waterfall entry point. It was warm, humid, the soil cool and moist. The air held the fragrance of over ripe strawberry guava and jasmine. I walked along this path to the small clearing where my waterfall and entry pool await. Jumping in, I make larger ripples than are already there. Taking a breath I flip over swimming down, down, down, head first through the narrow opening and on into the pool on the other side. As I come to the surface I pause looking at the crystal lined cavern. After pulling myself out of the pool I walk to the cave opening and find Wascar in his usual location, sitting by his small campfire.

This evening, he greets me with a warm “Aho” as I walk over and give him a Kukui nut lei. Without saying a word, he motions for me to sit. We converse in silence for what seemed like a long time, until he raises his head, saying “go through the gate.” I look up from the fire and see a fence with a willow gate and an arbor like trellis, which was made of willow too, which had not been there before. The fence and gate are on the far edge of Wascar’s camp.

Getting up, I walked over to the gate and opened it. As soon as I opened it a beam of light cam down from the sky illuminating a large boulder that was just through the gate. A lizard was sitting on top of the rock. I walked over and asked him if he has anything to teach me and he replied, saying, I will teach you about change. I asked him if he wanted to go with me and he said yes so I placed him in my shirt pocket. I continued walking down the path leading from the gate. As I was walking a hawk began circling high overhead, spiraling down, down, down until eventually she landed on my outstretched arm. She said she is here to teach me about “clarity of vision.” With that she climbed onto my shoulder and said I am coming with you, continue your journey.

Resuming my trek, I noticed the path now meandered through some thin groves of trees that reached out into the meadow just before the edge of a very dense forest. As we reached the first grove of trees, we heard rustling and, suddenly a very large, and old white buffalo appeared speaking from inside one of the thin bunches of trees. In her firm and regal voice she said “my son I am here to teach you about the future, but not quite yet. When the time is right I will be at your side for the remainder of your journey. You must go back and begin remembering all that you already know.” Immediately I turned around, hurrying back to Wascar’s camp.

When we reached the fire he gave me a brilliant blue and green bear totem amulet with a vibrant red heart line running through the center of the bears side. I thanked Wascar for the gift and walked into the cave with brother lizard, sister hawk, and the bear amulet.

10/15/07

Last night I had a strange and vivid dream. I was camping in the Westy and a person was trying to break into the Vanagon. This person moved silently and extremely swiftly. He was holding a very large knife and was dressed all in black. We were attempting to stay still and remain calm when I remembered the driver’s side door was unlocked. When the moment seemed right, I jumped down from the bunk and reached for the door. Then I closed both slider windows and as I did this he ripped the drivers side door open, reaching and slashing with his knife. I woke up with a start and in the in between state of awake and sleep I changed the dream. Which now had two people, friends, standing outside the Westy by a fire talking with a great sense of peace and love. I immediately fell asleep…

02/16/08

Dream time; this was one of the most vivid and visually acute dreams I have had in during sleep for a long time. The clarity and sense of actually being present in the moment was utterly unnerving and as a result I lie awake in my hotel room at 2:00am for several hours with tears running down my cheeks, now for the dream.

The first part was active and clouded what I remember was there was a lot of activity, like a get together not really a party per say. The group was, family and the evening was lighthearted, filled with warmth. I remember basking in the sense of happiness and contentment that filled the room. After mingling for a while I noticed an outsider a person I did not know who was acting like he was part of our family, yet most definitely was not. I asked Matt if he knew him and he said no that no one knew him. He was playing mean spirited practical jokes and his antics were becoming more bold and intrusive, to the point of having the potential of causing some family member actual physical harm. As I write this I don’t recall any physical features of this individual other than he had medium length dark brown hair and was of average build.

I remember approaching this individual and asking him to tone his antics down and he told me he was just having fun “no harm no foul” as he put it. We chatted a bit longer and he said he would “go easy on the jokes” if I would “lighten up a bit and have some real fun.” It didn’t take long until he was attempting to coerce some of the children present to go with him to play chicken in his car. He knew of a perfect stretch of road to play on. Nobody wanted to go but his pressure continued to the point of name-calling and serious badgering. I reproached this stranger and told him that if he really wanted some excitement he should come with me to play this different kind of game.

The scene switched to a dark moonless night on a desolate mountain road. I told him to attempt to drive backwards without lights really fast. He laughed and laughed and laughed as he placed his car in reverse. At this point I either pushed on his leg that was on the gas pedal or wedged a stick down on the pedal. The car lurched backwards and his steering was erratic. The tires crunched slipping on the loose gravel on the side of the road. Before I realized what he was up to we were at a sharp bend, he wouldn’t turn the wheel to even attempt to stay on the road. As the car went over the edge all sound stopped. I remember the air no engine noise. Then his laughter returned and looking over the edge I realized I was going to die. The ground seemed so far below and we were quickly approaching the rocky bottom. For one quick instant I thought about jumping but realized why… Upon impact, my perspective changed, I saw felt the impact and resulting explosion from outside the vehicle. Almost as if my spirit had left my body and I was watching the ensuing aftermath of the crash.

With this realization I was suddenly and overwhelmingly filled with the deepest most compelling sadness I have ever felt and the thoughts of not being able to see my daughters wedding, my son and daughters future children. I must have lain there for two hours before the tears stopped and I could drift back off to sleep.

10/04/07

I came in walking on my now familiar path in the musky sweet smell of late evening. Darkness surrounded me as I walked this moonless night. Instinctively I felt another presence and knew that it was time to meet Otorongo; mother, sister Jaguar. I did not stop or pause as I walked on the path until I could hear the friendly sound of the waterfalls thunderous roar. Then Jaguar leapt in front of me showing her large bright yellow eyes. She stood there silently blocking my way and before I knew what to do next we merged Otorongo and I became one with me sort of stepping inside the abdomen of her essence.

She began walking and instead of jumping into the pool at the base of the waterfall she simply leapt into the air and we were walking out of the cave and right past Wascar. This time I remember his facial details. He is very old, his face tanned and weathered from spending all of his time in the elements. His smile contains wisdom and unlimited compassionate kindness. His hair is very long, an ashen gray, woven into one long braid. About half way down the braid there is one eagle feather. His eyes are radiant glowing a cobalt steel blue.

Swiftly Jaguar and I traveled for what seemed like a very long time covering a large distance. She stopped as we came upon a cavern, and she told me to leave my fears here that “I simply wasn’t allowed to have them” anymore, that I must place them in the bowel. Per her instruction I reached inside myself and took out a dark mass and placed it into a coconut shell bowl that was lying on the floor. As soon as place my fears in the bowel we separated. She gave me a rose colored stone and was gone.

In her place Wascar appeared, he handed me a broken piece of mirror and in return I handed him two whitish translucent crystals. He thanked me for the stones and said remember acceptance and letting go, “you are not the one in control”. After he spoke his words we were back by his fire and hearing the call back returned to the cave, jumping into the water and returning to the surface.

09/27/07

My entry was identical to last week’s entry, except this time as I swam down, into the pool I noticed that the walls form the shape of an hourglass. As I came out of the cave Wascar was there and I handed him an orange. This time he was hunkered down over the fire, noticing my presence, he turned to face me but I don’t recall any facial features.

I handed him an orange and he said “see” and a hallway leading to a room appeared. The walls of the hall and room are lined with embedded crystals that radiated with their own luminescence. I walked down the hallway and entered the room. Entering the room, Sach’amama appeared hanging down from the ceiling. For a moment she stared into my eyes then said, “It’s time for growth” and instantly swallowed me whole.

The instant she swallowed me a warm and comforting darkness enveloped me. As soon as I realized what had just happened, the darkness vanished and I was in a candle lit room with a very old large, wooden table that was full of wooden toy soldiers. One toy soldier riding a horse moved to the front and the horse reared up on its hind legs. I noticed that the riders’ head was missing. I asked the soldier for permission to hold it and he replied that I should take him. As I picked him up a pair of running shoes appeared and the rider told me to take them too.

Standing there in this room holding the toy soldier and the shoes, I realized that I was back in the crystal-lined room. This time the crystals were glimmering and radiating even more vibrantly. I remember thinking that Sach’amama did not scare me at all, with that thought I turned and walked back down the hall to Wascar.

Without looking up at me he said, “the toy and shoes are our gift to you” and “it’s about time we’ve been waiting, what took you so long.” Looking down into a bag by his side he pulled out a wooden carved bowel and said this is for you. With the shoes, toy and bowel in hand, I went into the cave jumped into the pool and once again swam upward and came out at the waterfall and slowly walked back down the path.